THE GOOD WEDDING SPEECH
OH I'M NOT A BIG SPEAKER!
Giving a wedding speech is a great honor, but most of us break into a cold sweat at the mere thought of doing it! Where do you even begin? I’ve seen it all when it comes to speeches—from a short and sweet “cheers and congratulations” to elaborate presentations with projectors, game rules, and winner announcements. While those fun activities can be great, some of the most memorable moments for me have been the simple ones.
In my opinion, a good speech is a personal, flattering, and honest declaration of love with a touch of humor. But, as simple as it sounds, it’s easier said than done. Many people are uncomfortable speaking in front of large crowds. If that’s the case for you, maybe a shorter speech with a small guest activity could be a better fit. I once attended a wedding where the bride’s brother was terrified of giving a speech. He kept it very short (still nice) and then introduced the audience to the bride’s favorite musician, Mads Langer, who walked in and performed a couple of acoustic songs as a surprise gift from the brother.
I’m not suggesting you save up for years to hire Beyonce for a couple of songs, but you could hire a great cover artist to play a few of the couple’s favorite songs. That’s ALWAYS a success! However, since many of the readers of this blog are likely brides and grooms rather than guests, I’ll focus my advice on delivering a speech rather than organizing an activity.
A speech can be structured and delivered in several ways. You can write it as a fully prepared speech that you read out loud, or you can make it more informal with just bullet points to guide you if you feel confident enough to take it from there. The big bonus here is that you’ll be able to look at your partner more often during the speech. This is important! Look up from your paper and make eye contact with your partner.
WHERE DO YOU START?
Sit down with a notepad and a glass of red wine and write down the first five (positive) words that come to mind about your partner. Play some music that reminds you of them or the two of you together. After that, take the five words and build sentences around each one, describing why you associate that word with your partner. From there, you’ll usually start to feel the flow.
Now you can begin to weave more sentences in between those five (or three or seven) words you’ve chosen. This way, you can start moving things around and adding to create a cohesive speech, unless you choose to stick with just the bullet points. This is just one way to approach it.
1. MAKE YOUR SPEECH PERSONAL!
Even though it can be daunting for some to open up and become verbally intimate in front of others, it’s extremely important that you speak mainly to your partner, rather than about your partner. Sure, you can include a few anecdotes while looking at the guests, but that shouldn’t be the main focus of your speech.
2. ADD A TOUCH OF HUMOR (BUT NOT TOO MUCH)
A little humor is always a good thing. People should smile and laugh a little along the way. But remember, this isn’t stand-up comedy! It’s fine if the best man’s speech is full of humor, but as the bride or groom, humor should just be a little spice, sprinkled in the right places.
3. THANK EVERYONE WHO DESERVES THANKING
As the host of the event, it’s your duty to thank everyone who has come and helped make everything happen. That’s just the way it is. This can be a lovely way to open your speech.
4. WRITE A STRONG OPENING AND A GOOD CLOSING
It’s incredibly important to grab people’s attention from the start. A simple but clear “Dear darling, friends, and family…” can be enough. It’s also important to know when to stop. Better five strong minutes than ten mediocre ones.
5. PRACTICE FOR THE BIG DAY
Practice makes perfect! Make eye contact and speak to your partner and the guests. You can’t do that if you’re constantly staring at your paper. This means you have to prepare! Practice, practice, practice. Stand in front of the mirror and rehearse until you feel comfortable and confident. Practice until you look good and feel confident about what you’re saying. Trust me, it’s worth it when you see your partner’s and your guests’ reactions on the day. It’s one of the most beautiful things you can experience. And if you’re introverted and don’t feel particularly confident—then you have even more reason to do it! Surprise everyone when they least expect it.
A FEW THINGS I WOULD NOT ADVISE TO INCLUDE
• The rules here are pretty simple. First and foremost, it’s never fun to make inappropriate jokes or comments about anyone’s family culture or traditions. This can easily be misunderstood. Leave out all swear words or any jokes that are obscene or offensive. On your wedding day, you should be better than that! However, that doesn’t mean you can’t poke a little fun at your father-in-law or compliment your mother-in-law!
• I have no doubt that, as a couple, you may have had struggles and fought to get to this point. Life is certainly not a bed of roses for everyone, and most people experience hardships in their relationships and lives. And yes, it definitely makes us stronger. But if this takes up too much of your speech, you risk making it feel too heavy for your guests. Tragedies happen, no doubt. But remember that your wedding should be a day of joy, where we celebrate life and love. There should be room to honor those we have lost, but we must not let our struggles and sorrow take center stage on our wedding day.
• Feel free to have a little fun with people (if you know they can take it) with a twinkle in your eye, but don’t cross the line. If you’re unsure whether an anecdote is too much, it usually is. Use your common sense. It’s a fine line, and if it’s not delivered properly, it can easily be misunderstood.
• Try to avoid clichés. “I’m not a great speaker, but…” doesn’t do anyone any good. It’s fine if you’re nervous! In fact, your good speech will be even more appreciated when your loved ones know how difficult it is for you. But if you can deliver it confidently, humorously, and touching, you’ll be the big winner.
• And dear bride: Yes, you probably feel that your wedding is a fairy tale. And I have no doubt that it is! It may even be very tempting to write your speech in the form of a fairy tale in the third person. But please don’t. It rarely works as well as intended and quickly becomes impersonal. Your husband deserves (just as you do) a personal speech, while you look him in the eyes. I’ve seen MANY speeches, and the fairy tale format usually works better if it’s not the bride telling it herself. Maybe it’s mom or mother-in-law who should take that part.
